To be honest, most of them did survive. I have been faithfully getting up at 5:30 almost every morning and only allowing myself to sleep in if I did something late the night before that was beyond (or semi-beyond) my control. I wasn't going to leave early from my birthday dinner, for instance, neither was I going to leave at intermission when I went to go see my younger sister in 'Hello, Dolly!' But for the most part, up I got!
I was able to stay on top of the Bible reading I wanted to do, the prayer time, the exercise and finished reading the books I wanted to before the deadlines I had set. Without having to take anything out of my schedule, I was able to crochet three scarves, a baby blanket and get going on the next blanket. All of the bigger goals I had put down on paper were complete and I was feeling great about that, but I started letting regular things that needed to be done (dishes, trash, bathroom cleaning, dusting, laundry, vacuuming, etc.) fall by the wayside or at least procrastinate a few days. The first two weeks I didn't have a problem and really kept to my schedule. But the next two weeks proved to be a bit difficult and I couldn't figure out why. Until it came to me yesterday after the whole thing blew up in my face.
I ended the year last year with a lot of prayer. I made my new schedule and goals with a lot of prayer and my focus was totally on God. I knew some things were going to be difficult (not watching movies during the week except for under special circumstances, waking up at 5:30 every morning...), but I knew it was what God was calling me to do and He was going to get me through it. That's why those first two weeks went so well - I was relying on the strength of my Lord to help me achieve all the things I wanted to each day and that made everything pretty easy! I had joy in my heart when I was taking care of the dishes and cleaning up after myself every step of the way. It wasn't drudgery, it wasn't something I was doing to just check off my list (although that was an incentive, to be sure!), I was doing things that needed to be done and enjoying the feeling of completion and the satisfaction it gave me.
The next week hit and started out really well with my first time on a full day water fast. However, that Tuesday turned into a pretty bad day health-wise and then things got a little bit scary the following two days (it had absolutely nothing to do with the fast and everything is perfectly fine now) and I lost my focus. The 'ease' with which I has been able to accomplish everything the past two weeks had disappeared and instead of being able to get everything done that I needed to with a joyful attitude that naturally flowed from my reliance on my Heavenly Father, I started trying to be joyful and cheerful in my own strength to just cope with what I was dealing with on the health level (that's a whole other story for a whole other post). And it doesn't work like that!
Charles Spurgeon said it well, “Those who serve God must serve Him in His own way, and in His strength, or He will never accept their service. That which man doth, unaided by divine strength, God can never own. The mere fruits of the earth He casteth away; He will only reap that corn, the seed of which was sown from heaven, watered by grace, and ripened by the sun of divine love. God will empty out all that thou hast before He will put His own into thee; He will first clean out thy granaries before He will fill them with the finest of the wheat. The river of God is full of water; but not one drop of it flows from earthly springs. God will have no strength used in His battles but the strength which He Himself imparts. Are you mourning over your own weakness? Take courage, for there must be a consciousness of weakness before the Lord will give thee victory. Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up."
And that's the lesson I'm going to take into February - if I am to get anything done, be it for myself or others, I have to stay focused on God and allow Him to work through me continually. I can get things done in and of myself (sometimes), but if I want peace and joy to be manifest in my life despite my circumstances or extra stresses that I may have that day, I have to be abiding in Him, allowing Him to give me the strength to accomplish what He has set before me or what He has allowed me to set before myself. And if I want to do anything that is worthy of the kingdom of God, I must, must, must allow Him to work through me and not try to do things on my own. And, seriously, why would you want to do something with your feeble, finite brain and body when the God who created your brain and body as well as the entire universe wants to give you the strength and and desires you to allow Him to work through you??
"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
~Isaiah 41:10
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!
~I Chronicles 16:11
The Lord is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation;
He is my God, and I will praise Him;
My father’s God, and I will exalt Him.
~Exodus 15:2
I know that February will bring its own challenges, its own struggles, its own lessons, but in the words of Moses, "The Lord is my strength and my song." So I desire to start February off with a song in my heart, knowing 'the joy of the Lord is my strength!' (Nehemiah 8:10) And as long as I am finding joy in Him, joy and strength will flow into my life in ways I cannot even imagine!
Blessings in Christ,
